How Do You Heal A Broken Heart?

I bet you had been thru brokenhearted. Some had few, some had less than others. Some, just had too many. One thing for sure, it’s never an easy one.

I always thought when I grow older, I could survive many things, including breakups and brokenhearted. I had bad breakups before, why can’t I survive another breakup when I’m matured?

The worst breakup usually is the one you never expected to happen. With the one you never expected who would ever break your heart. But he did, or she did.

Sh*ts do exist. So, face it. What makes everything feel sadder that you have to deal with it when you think you are too old for some things like… brokenhearted.

When I remember how old I was when I got really brokenhearted, I was devastated. How could this happen to me? I wasn’t a teenager anymore, I soon had my 30-something birthday.

I thought I would get through that one with bitter laughs, some tequila shots (optional), and get done with it. Unlike those examples in an adult self-help book. But those things usually worked.

I didn’t sleep well for few weeks, haunted by my last words with him, or his last words. I cried a lot during the day.  Work? What work? I was dysfunctional.

So, even though you’ve been through this many times, you feel that pain many times and you know, it’s never get easier no matter how many times you got your heart broken. No matter how experienced you think you are.

And maybe you couldn’t find the best way to get through this tough period. I know because I’ve been there too, many times. It’s a world of disaster like the swimming on an angry sea where you couldn’t see everything and do anything.

And you hate the facts that everything in the world goes around without even consider you and your sadness. You could even laugh during horror movies because you felt your love story was even scarier. No kidding, I did that. Love murdered me many times & I was still alive as zombie…for some periods. Okay, I was exaggerating. I know.

You see I’m not an expert on psychology of love or self-healing. I haven’t had a steady relationship for a long time until recently. But I have the same experience like you. So I summarize what I think are good suggestions to survive a broken heart simply because I am YOU.

1. Cry!

It's a colourful background and yet my heart is so gloomy

Your heart is broken; you feel pain that cannot be cured with any kind of medicines. So be free, let it all out! Cry like you lost your life (which is true for some of us), cry until no more tears left.

And be angry, it’s okay! Go into your “cave” and let your tears and angers out, no matter how crazy is that. If you want to throw some things, do it! Just make sure your precious things are out of range. You will be sorry when you have to buy a new phone later on.

But here is my tip: put limit on that diving period, let’s say 1 month or 2 months. I know we cannot make boundaries about how long we need to fix our broken hearts. But darling, the sun always rises in the morning and sets in the evening. Life goes on whether you are okay or not okay. And you need to go on with your life too.

I always give myself minimum of 1 month to drown myself in tears and anger depends on how long and how deep my past relationship. I need 3 years to drown myself from a 7 years relationship. It was too long, but hey, he was my first love!

2. Shop till you drop!

Shopping always makes you happy, rite? 

Let’s be honest, shopping is always making us happy even for a short period of time. On my broken heart period, I always go to shopping mall every weekend and I always buy something even if it’s not something I actually need.

My first broken heart experience led me to an over limit credit card due to excessive shopping. But it was a sooooo much fun!!!

3. “Chocolates are brown, strawberries are red. Diet is just SAD.” – Kata Tante.

What's next? The sushi roll or the salmon skin fries?

You cry over a smoothie bowl? Forget all those diets and healthy food life style; just eat those delicious gelato and pasta! I love noodles yet it makes me fat, but I ate almost every day when I had my heart broken. I mean he was not sure about his relationship with me and not sure if he’s still love me. What kind of reason is that?  

Let me have one big bowl of Japanese noodles, extra spicy like my mouth, please! And I want that chocolate vanilla ice cream with extra topping for later!

4. Move your body, girl!

Keep calm and do yoga

I was not sure either about exercising when my heart is broken. But I did that not to have good posture or to be skinny. I exercised to channel the negativity inside of me. You don’t have to do the heavy ones, choose the one that you want or you are able to do, like running, yoga, swimming, etc.

I chose swimming, yoga, and body combat. I always imagined my ex-bf or whoever-his-name-was face when I did that upper and lower jabs on body combat. Damn, it felt good!

5. Solo travelling

I'm sorry guys, I'm busy enjoying my life!

I was about to make the title Go Solo like Han Solo, because it rhymes. But I remember Han Solo always travels with Chewbacca so he wasn’t flying solo. So, I changed the caption.

Back to business. For Indonesians, it’s not common to travel on your own because we are communal society.  It looks like you don’t have good friend who wants to go and spend time with you. And isn’t it weird to be alone while you are travelling to a holiday destination with nobody to share with?

Trust me, it’s good! It’s good for your heart, body, and soul! First of all, you have the freedom to decide where you want to go today. You can skip the argument whether you have to go to museum or to shopping mall.

Solo travel is also a good opportunity to meet new people even only to ask their help to take your photo. I always choose to talk with women or formal officers in the cities I went. Solo travelling is good, but for women, we need to put extra safety, rite?

The best thing about solo travelling is I am able to redirect myself. I found myself again and am able to focus on what I actually want. I evaluate the past relationship and find what I really look for in a relationship.

And of course, take beautiful photos. So I can post them on my social media and tell the world that I’m busy enjoying my life! Get out and get your tongsis!

6. Get a new look

Dye those hairs, darling!

The best revenge is always looking better than ever. Not to revenge  him. But it’s meant to revenge the sadness over the crushed feelings and hopes. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve your better version of yourself.

Book your hairstylist for a whole life changing experience. Try a new haircut, dye some color, and go to the cosmetologist to renew your skin. It doesn’t have to be the expensive one; you can always get good qualities on affordable price. 

Trust me, it will make you happy! It’s the most important thing on this tough period!

7. Swipe right for a date night!

Remember, you are in charge on this dating game!

Look, when they left us with whatever reasons they had, they just destroyed our self-confidence, rite? We feel like we are not good enough, not pretty or smart enough, and so on.

I found out that going on some dates can make me feel better until certain level during my broken heart period. When a guy couldn’t keep his eyes out of me during a date, that gives me a happy feeling and it slowly grows my self-confident again.

But, I set some values also on my dating activities. I keep in mind that it’s just a date without any expectation. I’m in control on how further my dates are going to be, whether I want to see that person again or just left after the first date.

My first date is always on daytime, like brunch date, lunch date, or meet over coffee. When I’m working, I always choose meeting over some beers after office hour. I will move to dinner if I feel comfortable spending time with the person.

And I always choose the place to meet, so I can choose places that have many escape routes. I mean, a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do to protect herself, rite?

8. Social media conscious

Stay far far away from your social media!

This is a serious one. I learned from personal experiences that social media is bad during your broken heart period. Well, unless the dating apps and the online shopping apps.

A long time ago, I decided only post content that give value added to me and other people on my social media such as blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

I never posted anything related with my broken heart to my social media accounts. That period is never give value added to other people rather than gossips.

But still, you need to channel your sad feelings, rite? I know I need that. So, I use Pinterest as my platform to console myself by creating a board and just post every broken heart quotes I can find in the Pinterest world or create my own Pinterest quotes. Hey, sometimes other Pinterest users are pinning my quotes too!

9. Positivity

Build your own support system 

After that craziness, you finally reach the calmer period where you will need to socialize again. But choose carefully with whom you’re going to socialize. Build your own support system.

You are in a recovery period, so you need to be surrounded with positivity in order to be healed. Being surrounded with positivity doesn’t mean to be surrounded with people who agree with us. Choose people with positive attitude, because these people might not always agree with your opinion, but they always see positive things from different point of view.

Actions always speak louder than words. Surround yourself with positive attitude people and you will become a positive person too.

10. The Book of Happiness

Write down 3 things that make you happy everyday

I got this advice from my friend who got this from her friend (I know, it’s complicated & takes discipline), but it works for me.

I call it a self-therapy. Write done 3 things that make you happy everyday on your diary. Even the smallest things like having your favourite cupcakes for the day or finally take a perfect selfie after many attempts at your favourite coffee shop.

And when you feel down again, open those previous pages and read all the happiness that you had experience. You will feel better and happy again.

I know there might be lot of flaws on this article from science point of view. After all, it’s just an article about my attempt to rewrite what I’ve been through on my broken heart period.

I’m not saying that you have to follow this, but I hope you will get inspire with this article. And will get help you thru the day when you are down from the lousy breakups.

What’s your broken heart recipe? Tell me your story!

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