Friends Forever (?)

BFF! Best friends forever!

At this point of life, this BFF concept me for me starts to fade. Overrated. Well, at first, I think I've been having tendency to think that everything that over the top is overrated. Sharing private relationship, overrated. Posting what I bought for my own birthday, overrated. Maybe it was just me that was having no life outside my job (oh no), I got stressed out, and turned in to this bitter bit#h.

So, I started to back to my old habit. Lay low in my own bed room. Reducing my time outside the house since I experienced some major meltdowns lately when I went out for drinks. Anyone got emotionally slutty after few drinks? Count me in. Because I did. So many bad memories flooded my brain when I was expecting to be happy under the influence of the grape juice or whatever my friends gave to me. I'm not expert on drinks, but I do make some good hot tea. I was sad. Drunk and sad. After the hungover ended, I was still sad. For days. Even during my meetings I was sad. Sad and attending meetings. I felt even sadder at night afterwards.

I spent many hours in my own rooms, trying to find who I could talk to about this feelings that disturbing me. Guess whaaattt.. I only could count a little amount of friends that I knew I could talk to, that I could trust with my sappy stories. Some people thought that I was an extrovert. I could go on blabbering about random things that happened to me if I was in the mood for talking. But I do believe, the real you is what you do when nobody is around. I enjoy solitude, aloneness, and not talking for hours, not seeing any faces, that would go just fine. Along the years, I pick who I want to stay in touch with, who that I want to keep friends with, and who, that I choose to be my inner circle. And yes, the circle gets smaller along the way.

I talked to some other close friends, they do experience the same. Sometimes, they just run out of friends to hang out with because most of our friends were married, moved to another city, or, just moved on..

And I agree. Moving on not always about lovers or separations. We literally move on from circumstances, people, and this means, also friends. Even our closest friends. 15 years ago, we might be sharing our meals from one plate in the cafeteria, bought the cheapest drink just to sit for hours in a cafe, checked you out every two hours just to make sure you were okay after being dumped, but now? You probably just checked them through instagram story. or, Whatsapp status (oh please). They're still alive, and, have kids, or getting fat, or just busy being socialite. But did you want to share your latest encounter with some random dude who happened to be your ex-boyfriend's coworker in a club with her? " Ah, no, she's married, she doesn't this do this sh*t anymore." Or did you want to tell your ex roommate that your kid just ate an apple for the first time and spit it back to your face? "No, she doesn't understand parenting. She's single and f*cked up."

Sometimes you even too lazy to say "hi" anymore. Why? Even though you never had fall out with them, your life isn't the same anymore. The people you need probably isn't the one that like your best friend. Like you said, you're married with kids, so you hang out with the moms from the kindergarten, or joined the book club for mommies. Your friends still hanging out somewhere with OKC in their phone, or having useless hours of meetings that sucked the life out of them. Or since this is not college anymore, you don't need your friends to do your assignment anymore, so let's find cooler gals to be friend with (you suck, I hope you get bald in your 40 if you did this).

The thing is, you grew up (unfortunately,IRL, some didn't thou, trapped in a high school nostalgic), and changed. " I think I stay the same." No. Nobody really stayed the same (theoritically), trust me. People evolve. Changes give you new circumstances, new identities, new people, and mostly, these changes doesn't require what you had before. It requires new things, or upgraded, or other things that you you never consider before. When you feel your friends kinda don't fit in with your changing process, you feel like it is toxic for you. You think that they are holding you back, and you start to turn your back on them. Ghost them, and you move on.

Or maybe, you, secretly never felt like you fit in. So when you found a new place, a new crowd, you took off happily, and relieved. Bye, Felicia. See you never, you toxic vampire as*hat. BTW, if you're 40, and your friends keep doing their sh*ts from 20 years ago and keep bringing your past up, you should go. Really. You're a grown up so act like one. I make a rule for this one, personally.

Where's the "Friends Forever" then? You see, once you know a person, you can't just "undo"her or him. Maybe one day, your path cross again, you can be close to her or him anymore, depends on the situation that binds. Humans are dynamics. Lovers come and go, and so are friends.

And it's okay. It took me a while to accept this. There were times that I thought my friends don't really care about me anymore. Or they just called when they were in trouble. But in some other times, I was the one who were leaving, ghosting. Because I need to move on. The older I get, the lesser trouble I need. And what are the source of trouble? People and their perceptions. Their acceptance. If people show me they don't care, I believe they mean it. So why stay?

Sorting people in your life, is a healthy natural habit. We never lost our friends actually. We just aren't in the situation that relates everyone to gather anymore, or hobbies, or, just busy with our personal problems that only us, alone, can solve. People have reasons, and, nothing stays forever. Nothing. We all die, eventually. Yikes.

If you still close to your high school buddies, that's good. being a godmother to your college friend's daughter, that's even better. Friendship, like relationship, takes effort. With all the matters I said above, the efforts are even harder than finding and keeping a boyfriend, or girlfriend. How to stay friend with your friends that you really care about? You make an effort. Just checking her or his social media does nothing. You miss them? Let them know. Because, who knows, they probably are missing you too. You want to talk to them? Say 'hi", "how are you", "lets' meet up", or just straight to the point "I met the girl that you used to hate."

The situation with old friends, would never come, unless you make it. Forever, like love, sometimes, it's a verb. You work on it, buddy. Now go call them.

Until next time, my loves.

Tante

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